After Veer was born, like all working mothers in India, I also got 90 days of maternity leave. We all know that 90 days are way too less to join office and get back to that 9-5 routine. But as I made a choice to work, I returned to my work after my maternity with lot of guilt and happiness. Guilt because I was leaving my 3 month old at home and happiness because I was going to meet my friends and see my workstation after a long break. My willingness to work on that workstation is a different story but I was waiting to get back to my routine which I was following since I was 21. Being a mother was a totally new experience and I loved it with all my heart. But during those 3 months I realized that I just cannot be a stay at home mom or if I choose to be one then I definitely need a constructive engagement.
I was missing my desk and my office gang in a strange way. Honestly I enjoyed the whole experience of taking care of the new life in my life but it was stagnating in a certain way for me. Despite being so tired all through the day, I was counting days to join my office back.
As Sanjeev and I were pretty clear not to disturb our parents' routine lives in their own cities as both the parents are working, we decided to take the responsibility of Veer ourselves and looked for various options. While I was still at my in-laws place, Sanjeev did all the homework and found a help that would support me to manage my work and baby. But there was a slight twist, the nanny that Sanjeev found practiced a different faith. Though Sanjeev and I had no issues with this, but we wanted our parents' support in this decision. So I decided to to tell my mum-in-law that we have found a nanny but she follows a different faith. To this my mum-in-law replied, "Koi baat nahi Beta, Insaan accha hona chahiye (No problem baby. It is is important to be a good human being).
I loved my mum-in-law from the day 1 of my marriage but when I heard this, my respect and love for her grew many folds. I hugged her so tight that she had to tell me "Beta Bahut Zor se Daab di" (You hugged me very tightly).
After Nazia joined us, I learnt almost everything from her about raising an infant. Many neighbors raised their eyebrows, when they saw me leaving Veer and Nazia alone, but I had four pillars behind me: Sanjeev, both my mothers and Nazia. Many people said, "Tum na CCTV lagwa lo, accha rahega" (Get CCTV installed, good for you), I just said Yes but never got this done because there is a word called trust which I trusted with all my love and faith. And it worked. Veer loved his aunty Nazia and vice versa. Fortunately I could manage quite a good balance between my work and my personal life with my support system at home.
While growing up, Veer has always been accompanied by Mushroom, my dog. They were the best company to each other. Many people asked me: "How do you manage dog hair with the baby?" I used to smile and reply both baby and us live with it. Some parents were not very comfortable sending their kids to my home but there were few who loved it. For both the kinds the reason was same, Mushroom. A study says, immunity of a baby increases if he or she grows up with a pet. I do not know about the study but love and sensitivity definitely increases when your baby grows up with a dog because Veer's visits to pediatrician were as normal as other kids in the neighborhood.
When Veer was not even a year old, I shared my experience through my blog of raising a human and a dog baby together "Growing Up 2g(e/a)ther: Rajveer n Mushroom". It got a lot of appreciation from the readers.
Mushroom might not be born from my womb but definitely from my heart. Veer had no option other than living with Mushroom.
I learnt so many things after Veer came into my life. Some of them are driving, cooking, playing, feeding a baby, managing with sleepless nights and changing diapers . But amidst all this, I have never forgotten myself. I always ensured about my happiness and my priorities because if I will be unhappy I cannot raise a happy and healthy child. I always took time out for my lunch dates, movie dates with Sanjeev or my friends. And as it is said you attract your kind of people, I got my kind of mad bunch of girlfriends in Hyderabad, who loved themselves as much as they loved their babies.
I might not be similar to those nearly perfect mamas, but I think if you are an imperfect mama, you will raise an imperfect baby who will always know that if there is good then there is bad too, when there is dark, light will be around the corner, sometimes you win and sometimes you loose, it is natural to be insecure about few things in your life but it is easy to fight that insecurity. So when you raise a baby with all these attributes, you raise a more real human being who will be close to the real world rather than the fantasy one.
Till now, it looks like Veer is going okay and even if he is not, he has to accept that he has born to an imperfect mama who is absolutely perfect for him.
Happy Reading!