Shamaila's is a calm and composed person and her journey of motherhood is also the same. Though she could have lost the control and made it very bumpy but she chose that it to keep happy and in control. She finds raising kids therapeutic and loves to involve herself with them in their daily routine. Her joy and pride in raising two amazing human beings can be felt when you talk to her. The family is four will remind you of those big happy family signboards on the highway that pass you the message to drive carefully because they are waiting for you.
Me: Share your experience and journey till now.
Shamaila: Well, this question took me almost eight years back when I first conceived my son, Ashaz. My journey to motherhood began like most of the girls. I looked at my positive pregnancy test and couldn’t believe at first. It’s sort of mixed reaction, I was happy and nervous at the same time. I was happy because I always wanted this to happen and I was nervous because I knew I had to go through this journey all alone as only a year before we moved to Sydney, Australia.
Me: Must be tough for you and your husband. I know lot of people who simply move to their hometown after conceiving. But you are different.
Shamaila: Don't know I am different but I had no choice so had to go through it all by myself.
When I had my son I can clearly remember how happy I was at the moment of my life. His birth, his life was the start to my journey of motherhood. From the moment, I first took the test, there was no looking back. I have grown in ways I never imagined, been pushed further than I ever thought possible and enjoyed little things I never knew would make me so happy. All I could say this journey is beautiful, you grow day by day. You feel this love for your child that no one but a mother can understand.
Me: How was the journey like of handling kids all alone in Sydney?
Shamaila: See geographical location does not matter, anywhere in the world I would have been, I had to deal it with myself. But one thing I would like to mention having the kids in a new country without any support system that you enjoy in India is very challenging. I had both my kids here through C-section and when I got discharged from hospital after my Ashaz, my main concern was how I’d raise him alone.
But my husband stood beside me like a pillar of strength, he cooked for me, took care of both of us day and night. When his time to join office came near, the worst phase was over, my stitches were healed and I got more confident in handling the new baby.
But the difficulties in raising the kids here still persists because at the end of the day it’s either me or my husband running to meet the ends.
Me: So how did you handle daily chores along with the infants?
Shamaila: I managed with them. I took them everywhere with me as I could not leave them home alone. But it was the phase, passed away very quickly. Once you get hang of things, it becomes easy.
Me: OK! Great! What does your day look like?
Shamaila: My day starts at 7 a.m, waking the kids up, getting them ready for school and preparing lunch and the most difficult part is to make them finish their breakfast and then dropping off to school as both of them go to different schools. Once I am back home, I prepare a quick snack for myself and a cup of tea, those ten-fifteen minutes I consider as the most relaxing time of my entire day, where I am not rushing.
As 10.a.m hits I change into my fitness gear and rush to the nearby gym and spend some 40-45 mins. Most of the days, after my gym, I drive to supermarket to fill in groceries. By 12 p.m, I am back home and cooking for my kids . At 2:30 p.m, I leave again to pick them back from their respective schools.
Me: Wow! That looks super packed and when you said you have just those 15 mins for yourself, you were so true!
Shamaila: Yes, I totally mean that. In fact some days of the week are even busier when my kids have their swim lessons. All Thursdays and Fridays I have to take my son for Band practice at 4 P.M back to his school again. Seriously, where my day goes I absolutely have no idea. It’s just the weekends I got some respite in my life with my husband looking after the kids.
Me: I am sure you need that space to breathe. So what do you do on your day off?
Shamaila: On Weekends, I am usually hanging out with my friends or partying or catching a movie, having my own time after a hectic week.
Me: That is so relaxing. So being a stay at home mum, would you like to swap a day or two with a working mum and see how their day look like?
Shamaila: Well, swapping a day or two with working mums means I have to leave my kids in ‘after- care’ and I definitely don’t want that as they are so used to be around their mum.
Me: OK. I am sure they are too attached with you.
Shamaila: Yes definitely, they both are still so young, my son is 8 years old and my daughter is 4 years old. Especially, my daughter is so attached to me, she is always stalking me wherever I go, even at home she is following me from one room to another. As my husband is a Premium Banker, he hardly have time to spare for kids. So it was a mutual decision that I would be a stay at home mum to impart proper upbringing to our kids. So, we make our plans in a way that one of should always be with them.
Me: Sounds picture perfect. You must have heard this that when a child is born, a mother is also born. How true this statement is and how did you experience it your journey of being a mother?
Shamaila: Yeah, it’s totally accurate, I can relate with this statement completely. I still remember when I was in labor for 15 hours during my first delivery, but my body was not progressing in the way it should be as my blood pressure was high and that was the time I thought..so this is it? Will I ever get out of this room alive?
I was so physically and mentally exhausted and this continued for like 24 hours and the next day doctors came to the decision to operate me once my B.P is stabilized.
But when I had him and the moment I sat my eyes on him, I forgot all the pain and couldn’t thank God enough. Well, all I can say is Motherhood is nurturing and loving your child from the deepest corner of the heart without expecting anything in return for it.
Me: Absolutely true! So what kind of activities you have exposed to them?
Shamaila: My son is going for swimming since he was two and a half years old and is definitely getting better every week. He joined his School Band last year, he loves playing Trumpet. Every Thursday evening he has half an hour practice session. Recently, he has started showing interest in soccer so I am planning to enroll him in that too by the end of year. I firmly believe that there is no point forcing your kids to join activities that you like instead give them some time and liberty to decide what they actually want to go for. Like I wanted my son to learn Taikwando , but he wasn’t that keen to learn it...so I just let it go and waited for the time till he tells me what activity he wants to do next. My daughter also loves swimming and just a month before she has also started her swimming lessons.
Me: I am sure they are having some fun time in their classes. Just curious to know your views on raising responsible and sensitive kids to make a society worth living.
Shamaila: We all live busy and stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents but the most important thing that we shouldn’t forget is always taking out time for cuddles, big hugs and addressing even there minutest concern. What kids demand is solely your attention, especially when they see mum and dad busy in deep conversations or busy in some other thing instead of hushing them away, it’s better you should comprehend things from their point of view and listen to their concerns.
It will just take few minutes but will give an immense sense of assurance and confidence to those little munchkins. Warmth and affection are the two ingredients that result in life-long positive outcomes for your children.
Me: What is your take on sex education? What is the right time one should start educating kids about it? How was your experience?
Shamaila: I think at 8, you can talk more explicitly to kids, it might be the time to explain the actual thing to them and if you feel your child is really ready than there is nothing wrong with introducing this information earlier. By 8, you should start to fill in the gaps with more detailed information because if you don’t they will just get it from somewhere else. And the concept of good touch and bad touch should be introduce at a very early age to save them from abuse.
Me: Yes, it is important to tell them about the good and bad touch. Don’t you think fatherhood is overshadowed by motherhood?
Shamaila: Yeah, fathers now a days play essential role in parenting but often their role is undervalued. I strongly believe children are more socially and emotionally developed where a father is involved. Fathers who spend a lot of time helping their children with studies absolutely increase the quality of their children’s learning. Like my son, he is more comfortable with his dad when it comes to mathematics than me because I usually tells him one way out to do a certain problem, however, his dad can make him do the same problem teaching him 3 to 4 different ways. And undoubtedly, where fathers are fully involved, women also have better pregnancies, births, breast- feeding experiences and have better postpartum mental health.
Me: OK! Sounds like your husband is quite a dedicated one just like you? Anyway, on a lighter note, who is more close to you. Your daughter or your son?
Shamaila: Well, I’ll say that my heart beats equally for them.
Me: How different is raising a girl child from a boy child?
Shamaila: Well, raising a boy and a girl comes with a set of challenges as you are raising two entirely different personalities. My son is so active, always looking for some action, while my daughter prefers calmly making puzzles or doing her coloring, so at times it gets so strenuous when he is trying to get her attention and wants to go for a rough and tumble play and she is in no mood to leave her activity. Every half an hour a fight breaks between them and I have to play the role of a referee. She is everything I imagined would come with a daughter package. And my son is still like he can break anything he touches.
So, my voice tone is usually soft in dealing with my daughter and she comply instantly, while with my son soft tone rarely works.
Me: What has been your best memory till now with your kids?
Shamaila: Well, kids grow up way too fast, before we know it they have surpassed crawling to running, cooing to non-stop talking and all these little things gets stored as memories. One of the best memory so far I could say is when my daughter started speaking in full sentences and it came after she was three years old as I was getting impatient because my son started speaking after two years but with her not many words were coming out till she is three years old and now she is a chatter- box.
Me: Thank you Shamaila for sharing your beautiful journey of motherhood with us.
Shamaila: Pleasure is mine. Thanks to you too for making me part of the series.
Happy Reading!