My earliest memory of Saumyata dates back nearly 14 years back when we were studying Mass Communication. Other than our casual and occasional greetings, we never showed interest in each other as we were too busy with our lives and own friend circle. The first time I got little affinity with her when during our break, she along with her friend, Surina, was listing down all the Bollywood films they have watched together in the theater (those were the days of single screen in big cities too) since school days. When I glanced through the list, it was quite long and included all those Sunil Shetty and Ayesha Julka's films too. I was appalled because till then I used to think I was the biggest Bollywood fan and she broke my illusion.
Then years after our Mass Communication, when we both made our ways in the corporate life, one day my Nokia 1100 rang in its Grand Valse signature tune (tnnnntnnnnntnnnnnnnn..NNN) and I hear a voice of a girl asking me to get my resume updated and attract some big corporate names to it. That girl was Saumyata, who started working with Naukri.com as Resume Writer. As I recently switched, so I politely declined her service. This was the last communication we had until we connected back after years during my my first ever blog series 6 Weeks and 6 Mums: Season 1 other than Facebook.
Click to read 6 Weeks 6 Mums blog series.
Though we are connected on Facebook for all these years and admired each other's journey from a distance, but never knew much in detail. I always knew she is one positive woman who is capable of making the best of whatever she has at the moment. Her journey as a woman and mother is inspiring because she has not done any wonders but she made a regular and daily struggle of every mother look like a wonder and cake walk just by being in the moment.
Me: Great to connect with you after years!
Saumyata: Yeah! Thank you for the feature though. Loved your season 1 and secretly wanted to share my story too.
Me: And here we are sharing your story. How has been the journey so far.
Saumyata: The journey with Amaira (7) is great and I enjoy every bit of it. It's like you have your heart walking outside of your body. Its overwhelming, frustrating, amazing, fulfilling and lovely at the same time.
Me: Kids change your perspective of looking at life. How has Amaira changed yours?
Saumyata: She has taught me to be patient, look at the things around me with a different lense and finding joy in simplest of things.
Me: Hmmm Hmmm. I got to know that you took a 2 year sabbatical and then got back to work. How was it getting back to work leaving Amaira at home?
Saumyata: It was a pure bliss. Though not many say that but I wanted to work so I found it great to be back at work. I was guilty at the same time but my work was equally important for me raise a happy child.
Me: Right! What was the major difference you found out between a full time mum and a working mother?
Saumyata: You know I was fortunate to enjoy both and decided to quit my job when my daughter was born and returned to office when she turned two. Both kind of mothers have their set of challenges to deal with, its just where and how you find your happy space.
Me: Agree you have to find where you are happy. Did you encounter any challenges at your workplace and in society after your maternity break?
Saumyata: First, I had tough time finding a job. Indian job market (or anywhere in the world) isn't very sensitive to welcome women returning after maternity especially, when you have had a break, the recruiters arm twist you into joining on same or lower salary or grade or just overlook your previous experience - which is a terrible thing. Second, when I got a job, things were not very difficult at office, I was so happy to be in office again but that guilt of not spending enough time with the little one, took time to go.
Fortunately I have always been associated with companies who are employee friendly and encourage work-life balance. I would minimize my breaks and leave office at the earliest possible.
Society - ah, everyone out there is ready with some advice on childcare and parenting - just follow what works best for you and rest everything is unsolicited gyan!
Me: After you got back, did you ever think of quitting your job?
Saumyata: NO (quite firm). I took a 2 year break and it did set me back in my career but I am glad that I could give Amaira my undivided attention when she needed it the most. Would, I do it again if I ever have another baby? I am not sure!
I have worked really hard to bounce back after the maternity sabbatical and being an experienced parent now, I can manage things better.
Me: Oh Wow! This sounds like real strong woman. As you get mature with age and experience and the younger generation enters to the corporate world, how do you make yourself relevant in terms of work in comparison to the younger ones.
Saumyata: Thank you for the appreciation. As far as relevancy in the corporate world is concerned, just trust your gut, wear your confidence on your sleeves, respect seniors as well as juniors, practice what you preach, be available, show up and never stop learning. It is as simple as that!!
Me: You made it pretty easy because when you are in the middle age it gets a little tough to keep yourself updated with the younger lot.
Saumyata: Yes it does! You have to continuously prove yourself .
Me: What are your views on career planning for a woman who embraces motherhood where in she should be treated equally or at par with her male colleagues?
Saumyata: This can mean different things to different people. There are women who are very driven, careerists, want an individual identity, and there are women, who want to continue working for financial independence. It really depends on how one wants to drive it, I got into little less demanding role in my first year of getting back to work, so I could focus on my child alongside and eventually moved to something which was more challenging.
Me: Despite of both the members working, mothers are held primarily responsible for the upbringing of child. Why do you think mindset has not changed after years?
Saumyata: I think, more than the changing the mindset of people around us, we need to change our own thinking and stop feeling guilty about not spending too much time with the kid and be okay asking your partner to step in when you can't. As mothers - we just don't want to compromise and want to maximize our time with kids as much, which may not be possible all the time - shout out when you need help! My family, has been supportive since the very beginning and am very grateful for that!
Me: Lot of talking on work. Let us talk about best friend of kids and that is tablets and iPads. How do you manage it?
Saumyata: Like most first time parents, I have struggled with this in Amaira’s first three years but when I decided that more than her, I need to be disciplined. I figured things out - I haven't banned the gadgets completely but have limited the screen time to just about 3 hours over the weekend (split across Saturday/ Sunday or at one go) and an hour every alternate day during holidays.
Also, I don't beat myself up, if I have to give her access to phone or TV during travels/ social gatherings wherein she doesn't have company but just for about 30 minutes. I encourage reading, drawing or engage her with household chores on day-to-day basis.
Me: Yeah engaging in household chores is great. I do that too and ask my son to clean up the room before he goes to bed. We have also made our own clean up song.
Saumyata: Oh Yes. They love to help you around, though they mess more than cleaning up but that is okay. Clean up song is a good idea.
Me: Certainly. As a mom, how different are you from your mother?
Saumyata: Not very different, pretty much like her. Always trying to show my daughter the brighter side, encouraging her to be nice and humble, and supremely guilty of being after her to finish her meals quickly, sleep on time, follow up on her homework and nudging her to say “hello/ namaste” to anyone she sees around her :)
Me: One thing you would want to take from your mother in your parenting and one thing you don’t want to imbibe.
Saumyata: I’d like to believe that I am a reflection of my mum. She has been and will be an important role model for what a “woman” should be. She inspires me everyday, there isn't anything I would not want to take from her.
Me: Beautiful! How often you talk to yourself as a mother, as a human being, as an individual and as an employee. And how does it help you to grow as an individual in all the relationships around you.
Saumyata: I don’t talk to myself very often. I am a very risk averse person and believe that life is all about the choices you make. So, lately I take most of my (big) decisions after much deliberation or in consultation with my husband and mom.
Me: Last one. Your best memory of being with Amaira.
Saumyata: Wow- there are too many! Her first crawl, her first step, her first solid meal, her first flight, her first words, her first outing, her first day at preschool, her first annual day (I cried, seeing her on stage). I can go on….
Me: And this brings end to the conversation. Thank you for sharing your life and journey of motherhood. Wishing you many more blissful moments.
Saumyata: Thanks to you too for making me part of the blog series.
Happy Reading!