"Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity" - Oren Harari
This quote by celebrated author Oren Harari is aptly practiced by Neha since she realized how important it is to make yourself a priority at any stage of life. A sad soul will seldom be able to make anyone happy including oneself. When Neha was a full-time mother few years back, she was very actively engaged in some or other activity. But she did not find her peace any where until she got back to work and found a new lease of life and energy in her. The girl I knew years back was always fierce, bold and undaunted all her life who lost the track for some time but now she is back with a bang and making the right noise and difference in her as well as others lives.
Me: Hello mommy! How are you?
Neha: I am great and busy with my work. How about you?
Me: I am super. Finally I got you for the series. Thanks for joining it.
Neha: My pleasure! Let us start the conversation buddy.
Me: Oh yes! Though we know a lot about each other's journey, still briefly sum up your motherhood experience till now.
Neha: I think motherhood is growing up while bringing up. Your child is your chum, your guide, and your learning mate; and likewise you're to him. Initially, though my understanding of motherhood was a little too different. I thought this responsibility constantly demands you to be your perfect self. But I gradually realized that’s not the case.
Always trying to be or portraying yourself as an ideal, flawless figure might just be equally unhealthy for you as well as your ward. For you, because you’ll be in a constant pressure to be perfect always. And for your child because he won’t know the importance of making mistakes.
Me: So it has been mix of a roller coaster and a cake walk for you and Ayaan.
Neha: I would, say ‘abhi toh party shuru hui hai.’ The journey has barely begun. Ayaan will turn 8 this July and I would like to believe that we have a long way to go. I anticipate that the real test of parenting will be when Ayaan is in his teens. However, by far my journey as a mother has been adventurous and thrilling like a roller coaster, fulfilling and healthy like a walk, yet sweet and Irresistible like a cake.
Me: Was there an instant connection with Ayaan when he was born or it took a few weeks.
Neha: Some mothers feel connected with the baby since he's a fetus. However, I clearly remember my connection with my son got established on the 4th day from his birth. He got infected with jaundice and was kept in an incubator in the NICU for a few days. Motherhood struck me when I saw the first time that little thing lying naked and crying there. But would like to say that the ‘when’ in the connection is immaterial Vis-a-Vis the connection itself. It’s unique, indispensable and fulfilling.
Me: I know, it must be like what can I do to help that little being. So far what is the most bold move you have made as a mother?
Neha: I don't know about the most bold move. However, I just know motherhood has brought out my boldest self on the fore. Because it’s you who stand between the big, bad, mean world and your child till the time he’s a strong and responsible adult. You ought to be bold to protect your child from the worldly impurities in his foundation years yet practical enough to give him a real picture of the outside society. After all, that’s where he belongs.
Me: So correct! Parenting should be more real than being a fantasy.
Neha: Yeah! I try to be as real as possible.
Me: What is the craziest thing you have done with Ayaan?
Neha: Things that you do with your mini self are always crazy. Choices are endless like dancing, cooking, driving, playing. Er, they ain’t choices. They are regular affairs of life with a crazy makeover.
Me: I am sure you don't want to reveal it but I can imagine doing some craziest of stuff with your boy.
Neha: Yes, you might know some part of it as well.
Me: I know your parents are your biggest support system in your life. How they have contributed towards bringing up Ayaan.
Neha: I'll put it like this, without their support I wouldn't have been able to bring him up. They take care of him, his schedule and health so well that I can be assured and an able to resume, my professional life. In our part of the world, a mother can’t be a successful professional without the support of her family. By support, I don’t only mean moral support, but physical support as well.
Like in my case my parents are taking care of my son for more than 12 hours of a day, which is almost as good as raising me again.
Of course, being a 3rd grader he now spends 6 hours in school, then there’s a tutor to take care of his studies, but they are the ones who are responsible for all of this going perfectly fine. And not to forget, those times when I’ve to work on a Saturday or some rare occasions when my husband and I need to go somewhere. So, indeed a great favor and support and I feel privileged to have gotten such set of parents.
Me: We all love our mothers but would you like to be the same mother as your Mother to Ayaan?
Neha: By and large everything but not exactly because of the generational and behavioral differences. I love my mother, know for sure she’s the best mother a child can have, and I would love to have her again if reborn. Honestly, I feel even today my mother takes care of me more than I take care of Ayaan. However, I can’t be same mother as hers. I wouldn’t even want to be. For one, I believe every mother is as same as different. For two, I believe she and I belong to two different sets of parents.
I am a little more selfish and independent. For my mother, I am the world. Whereas for me, my son is the most important part of my world. But my singularity goes beyond motherhood.
Me: I totally agree that every mother is as same as different. Still if you would want to take one attribute from your mother and one you want to leave, what that would be?
Neha: Almost everything but, in a nutshell would say would like to learn selflessness and dedication from my mother but would want to leave the degree of sensitivity and a little less flexibility in accepting things as they are without being severely affected.
Me: What is your biggest strength and weakness as a mother?
Neha: Motherhood itself is strength. I’ve certainly become a far stronger person as a mother. Weakness is that you expect and wish that the entire world treats your baby the way you do.
Me: Yes. Even I have to work a lot on my weakness. As a working mom, how do you balance your time with Ayaan?
Neha: Balancing comes easy if you improve the quality of time you spend with your child. I think we don’t necessarily have to be with the kid 24*7 in order to tell him that he’s our priority. Children are smart and sensitive enough to make out whether or not you’re involved with them wholeheartedly.
Me: That was surely a superb answer. How important it is for a woman to find her own space after being a mom and why?
Neha: It is very important because a happy motherhood builds upon a happy you. Sacrifice should be practiced, but shouldn't be the foundation of the relationship.I say this because when you have sacrificed too much and too long for anyone or anything, at some point of time you regret not living your life to the fullest. Having me time is also important for your self growth and introspection that must not be compromised at any given stage of life.
Me: Rightly said. Do you think womanhood is a synonym for motherhood?
Neha: They ain't synonyms or interchangeable substitutes. They simply compliment each other and are incomplete without each other. It’s only after having attained motherhood that you realize how important it was for you and how essential it is in making you realize that you are indeed God’s greatest creation.
Me: As you started to work recently, how does Ayaan handle your absence when you are at work?
Neha: Surprisingly, Ayaan adjusted pretty well. I think it's due to my parents’ and husband's support. Also, I suppose when you work, the child also learns to adapt and be more responsible. The Child must be given the required window to feel responsible. Children simply cherish responsibilities being handed over to them.
Me: Do you think women can make each other’s life more peaceful without being judgmental?
Neha: Most definitely. Being judgmental shows your lack of perspectives and thinking horizons. Being judgmental also means that you somewhere have nothing on your own to ponder upon. It reflects your dearth of interests in life. In the crudest arrangement of words it means you simply have nothing better in life to do. The moment you stop judging people you get a new lease of life with endless prospects.
Me: Oh man! You are hitting all sixes and fours with your answers. Super cool! Do you have any story of being judged as mother?
Neha: Thankfully and surprisingly not. Not that I know of. Or I never really paid attention or put efforts in knowing who all are judging me. I can’t be validating the nonsensical no business of judging someone by being party or victim of it.
Me: Do you think that motherhood is overrated in comparison to fatherhood?
Neha: Certainly. And I believe somewhere it has also contributed to the unequal amount of responsibilities that are seen to be shared by both mothers and fathers.
Me: This brings to the last question of conversation. Share your favorite memory with Ayaan.
Neha: Oh this brings so many but the most fond would be the one where I used to dance before him at 1 in the night. Yeah, it might seem idiotic but like most of the infants he would be most active at night and would be sleeping in the day time. My husband had night shifts so Ayaan and I would be alone to take care of each other. So I took care of his happiness by dancing to him and he would reward my hard work by his innocent laughter.
Me: Thank you Neha for being part of series. So good to know you more.
Neha: Thanks to you too for making me part of the series.
Happy Reading!